bernicrumb posted a comment on Sunday 23rd June 2019 6:16pm for This changes everything

I enojyed this chapter very much. Paxton is an excellent original character; I found him very likeable. I also enjoyed seeing the story from someone other than Harry Potter's point of view.

Kokopelli replied:

I have two or three chapters that follow on from this.   I didn't want to write something the size of Order of the Phoenix, but that's what the story arc looked like.   Between family and work, I have precious litte time for writing these days.   I may return to this someday.   Thanks for your kind words.

The Seeker posted a comment on Tuesday 19th July 2016 9:56pm for This changes everything

Paxton is an original and decidedly non-HP type of character. Using him as the motor for this vehicle moves your (hopefully not) abandoned story beyond any I can think of in this Harry gets some help genre. Utilizing Amelia and Susan also makes it a story I'd love to read. In your hands, this could be an epic story. Hope your muse returns and you commit to it full-time. Thanks for sharing this snippet with us, The Seeker

Frank Hacklander posted a comment on Friday 17th June 2016 8:13pm for This changes everything

It's been quite some time since I last reviewed this and I still must confess that I like it a great deal. I know you have given up on it as a lost cause, but (dangit) Paxton is too cool a character to be left unwritten. And the side story of Susan and Harry ("nothing propinks like propinquity," I mean, really) deserves to be written as well. C'mon, you know you can do it....please?

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks for your kind words.  I'm working on a chapter or two in this story.

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Saturday 4th June 2016 10:59pm for This changes everything

Solid setup, but the number of plotholes that JK tossed out with things like watching memories, truth potions, and vows kinda makes it hard to believe anything is hard to prove true when it actually is.

ThadiusZho posted a comment on Saturday 2nd April 2016 10:38am for This changes everything

As usual, your writing is amazing. Just this summary of a story makes me interested in reading the full scope of it. If you're up to it, write it. If it really doesn't give you the "need" to be written, I will gladly read whatever notes you have made for this.

TZ

sylvelle posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd March 2016 5:42pm for This changes everything

I for one love it.. and hope you continue it

Tricia

cwejr posted a comment on Saturday 27th February 2016 10:04am for This changes everything

I hope you do go back and work on it some more. I am enjoying it MUCH more than almost all the other stories I read. It is nice to find a well thought-out and well written, logically consistent, story. Thank you for such a captivating tale.

ILikeToRead posted a comment on Thursday 25th February 2016 2:53am for This changes everything

I like this story and agree that Harry didn't even attempt to better himself after the rise of Voldemort. Thanks for sharing!

GBTtown posted a comment on Monday 22nd February 2016 7:00pm for This changes everything

Excellent story. So far removed from canon that it is barely recognizable, which is, as Martha says, "a very good thing".

HarnGin posted a comment on Monday 22nd February 2016 9:20am for This changes everything

I'm sorry you chose to abondon this one. I like Paxton and would enjoy reading more of him. I also like that you didn't immediately make Harry and Susan lovey dovey to help with eachother's grief. From experience, I know that keeping busy and having FRIENDS and FAMILY is a great help for handing grief. Jumping into a new romantic relationship would just delay the necessary recovery. I also enjoyed your background on the Bones family. It was much closer to canon than most stories that have Susan living with spinster Aunt Amelia, which never made sense as JKR NEVER mentioned Susan as an orphan.

Regardless, should you decide to develop this one, I, for one, would enjoy reading more. Thanks for sharing it with us.

starhanyou posted a comment on Saturday 20th February 2016 8:01pm for This changes everything

I liked it -- and I want to 'see' Umbitch's soul sucked out.

While a clever, involved, story would be wonderful, I admit to liking the occasional story where the author goes through the metaphorical room with a shotgun too.

While I'm sure it's considered some kind of character flaw, it annoys me that HP stepped down from being this powerful wizard - Voldemort's equal - to a sacrificial lamb so that things can remain the same in the end.

Micky0077 posted a comment on Saturday 20th February 2016 2:02pm for This changes everything

While Harry!Trains and Harry!GetsSerious are somewhat common enough (I guess), I don't believe they are reliably of sufficient quality in enough quantity to preclude continueing this (what looks to be) good start on a different take. Which would seem to be a wordy way of saying, I don't think there are enough good versions of this type of story and would love to see you do more with this!

diagonalpumpkin posted a comment on Saturday 20th February 2016 8:48am for This changes everything

I like the idea behind this story. I'm fairly fond of stories that pair Harry with someone who is not really a major character and Harry/Susan stories tend to be pretty good. There is usually a bit of digging into politics at the Ministry and among the Aurors which I find interesting, and Harry ends up taking everything more seriously. As you said, GOF feels like it should have been a turning point but it really wasn't in the long run. Nor was OotP, which is also a shame. But I like the way you've written this chapter, and how it sets the tone for the rest of the story. The group of them would seem somewhat similar to the Order of the Phoenix, Amelia and Paxton are working around the Ministry, but actually working within the law and attempting to compile enough information to pull Voldemort in to the light. Rather than just saying "Voldemort is back" like Dumbledore does, trying to actually prove it. That all means that Dumbledore tends to be seen in a bad light, which you've already begun to hint at.

You're right though, it has been done before. But, that doesn't mean that it can't be tweaked and twisted and made more interesting. Your characters are more level headed and procedural than most that I've seen, and the fact that Susan has some experience in legal matters, if not actually Auror training, gives her a definite leg up and keeps her more equal to Harry, rather than him taking the lead on everything. And the interest and involvement of two competant, professional adults also helps to bring a bit of freshness. And the fact that Amelia and Paxton are so concerned with the law means that there probably will not be any "use an illegal time turner to do a lot of extra training and become very good and take everyone by surprise". It's not necessarily a bad trope, and some authors have done it very well (Jeconais for example), but I've seen it abused so much that I'd almost prefer that Harry be unprepared and make it work through luck and cleverness than by actually being prepared.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is: If you ever decided to finish this story, I would love to read it. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Glacialis1 posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 9:19pm for This changes everything

Feels like the beginning of a great story, as always your writing is excellent and engaging. If you ever wrote more of this story. I would read it.

Crys posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 6:12pm for This changes everything

Interesting beginning, though I agree that those stories already exist. Still, fragment worth reading. Thanks for sharing.

BJH posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 3:30pm for This changes everything

I've read Fleming too, albeit quite awhile ago, but I don't recall that particular quote.

It is an interesting starting point. I liked Susan as a typical teen with the typical insecurities. To continue you would have to work to avoid the usual Molly-as-Dumbledore's-agent-to-get-Harry's-money thing. I like the idea of the flawed Paxton as the driver of the story, although it does sort of clash with the diary inserts from Susan. Almost as if you weren't sure who you wanted to tell the story, Paxton or Susan (really liked the use of the nickname Missy for her though, especially if Harry starts to use it too as the friendship develops).

I think the key to pursuing this tale would be finding a unique path to destroying Riddle and not just substituting Susan, Hannah and another student for Ron, Hermione and Ginny then retelling canon. One idea I've had for awhile but never acted on is: why not just destroy Riddle's current body then trap his freed spirit somehow, either in another horcrux or in a bottle like a Djinni. Then you could hunt down the rest of the Horcruxes at your leisure and arrange for the Department of Mysteries to chuck the bottle through the veil after Harry dies a natural death?

BJH

Kokopelli replied:

Diamonds are Forever -  

[Felix]Leiter Chuckled. "Come on lovebirds," he said, looking at his watch. We ought to get going. I've got to get back to Vegas tonight and start looking at the skeleton of our dear dumb friend Shy Smile. And you've got your 'plane to catch. You can go one quarreling at twenty thousand feet. Get a better perspective from there. May even decide to make up and be friends. You know what they say" - he beckoned to the waiter - "nothing propinks like propinquity."
[...]
Bond knew that he was very near to being in love with this girl.[...]

[Ian Fleming,  Diamonds are Forever, 26 March 1956/UK]

 

I was planning on alternating POV in this story - Amelia/Paxton/Susan - that would have been more obvious if I'd included the several thousand words that I pruned from this little story.

Noble Korhedron posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 3:00pm for This changes everything

Great chapter; do you think you will ever continue this?

Kokopelli replied:

Odds are against it.  Thanks for your kind words though.

computer5450 posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 1:58pm for This changes everything

very good I enjoyed this story.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks.

Jason9 posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 12:48pm for This changes everything

I enjoyed it - I think it's the start of a good story. I agree that this particular story premise has been covered before, but as always, it's your writing and storytelling that make it a worthwhile read. I always really enjoy meeting your new/original characters, and often find your interpretations of canon characters to become how I think they should have always been. In any event, thanks for posting!

Kokopelli replied:

I may post a few more chapters, assuming that I ever get them written.

sh777 posted a comment on Friday 19th February 2016 8:24am for This changes everything

I liked it and it was well written I thought.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks.